By Enduring

I don’t know why this Wednesday seems gloomier than other days the past few weeks when I’ve really been very level and happy for weeks.

Maybe it’s because it’s seems too long until the weekend, and it’s my first week of getting up at 5:30 to work out and I’m tired. Maybe it’s because it’s been a few Fridays since I’ve been paid (oh the life of a freelancer). Maybe it’s because, though we’ve come so far in our debt payoff goals (from $120,000 to $39,000 since June of 2010), we still have $39,000 to go. Maybe it’s because it’s been two months since we were actually able to make a debt snowball payment because of unfair taxes (yes, I think it’s unfair to charge unemployment tax – whose bright idea is it to tax the stuffing out of people who are brave and create jobs?). Maybe it’s because I just really wish my best friend Nate was home to work with me (a treat I get a few hours a month – Nate works from home). Maybe it’s because I feel like there is all this creativity inside me and I have about 12 blog post ideas and 4 youtube video ideas and no time to work on them because I’m too busy. Busy doing things I like, yes. I like graphic design. But I like blogging and music soooo much.

Hang in there. Get through this day. I think Wednesday night might be our new date night because Thursday night is one of our gym nights. So hang in there until a fun date night tonight with Nate. There will be good food at home and maybe Season 3 of Psyche. And today some time should publish her weekly Wednesday post to make us laugh (see how I’m looking forward to it). 🙂

And some day we will pay off our debt and buy the house at Walden and adopt and have a successful business we work in together and maybe even a successful blogging and youtube enterprise….ok so maybe I’m dreaming but I know some of those things will happen and think all of them could.

I’m not just a dreamer. I’m a dreamer with plans and work ethic.

Happy Wednesday lovely blogger friends.

Happy Thursday!!!!


I think we should rename Thursdays to Procrastination Thursday! I’m too happy on Thursdays to take anything too seriously and I just love Thursdays!

If I start working now, when I’m not really rested this could upset my thinking, which is not good at all

I love my job. I left my corporate job in June to do freelance graphic design and web design. I had a number of contracts lined up so I felt fairly confident that it was a reasonable decision. It has had its ups and downs but it’s working out.

I usually get so lost in what I do that the hours just fly by.

Today I had to switch gears from a really fun project to one that I felt less confident about. Immediately I thought, “I’m thirsty. I’m hungry. My lips are dry. The house needs vacuuming. I need to do some yoga. My makeup needs doing.” I actually addressed several of these needs before finding myself up at my desk again staring at a powerpoint I wasn’t sure what to do with.

My dog is lonely. I’m sure of it. I should go talk to her. I bet I would feel more like working if I vacuumed the house. There are hairballs everywhere. I wonder if I could restyle my hair…..”if I start writing now, when I’m not really rested, it could upset my thinking, which is not good at all…I could get a fresh start tomorrow/.I work best under pressure/There’ll be lots of pressure/ If I wait til tomorrow. …….”

The Merit Report

She saw the merits she had worked for

The accolades

The coveted reward

Most people looked forward to.

And then she knew the answer.

When she realized that they did not matter,

She finally knew where she belonged.

She expected warmth

When she found the document again. But all she felt was strange detachment.

And inward smile she did not understand.

A feeling that this was someone else’s life.

Essentially no feeling at all.

Why Monday mornings don’t work – or running low on Caffeine and Creativity

They’re just not good.

They’re not good for production. They’re not good for mood. They’re only good for more tea and more lattes.

The world would be much better off if I was allowed to sleep until 10. Only on Mondays. The rest of the week I’m relatively productive even in the morning.

I begin to come alive Monday afternoon. I start to blog, to work (that’s what I’m supposed to be doing), to think. I design things, solve problems, answer email, imagine stories, and write love letters in my mind all at the same time. My eyes get that wide open crazy feeling I have when I am wide awake and on sufficient amounts of caffeine and creativity to make life worth it.

Caffeine and creativity – I’m running low on both on Monday morning.

When are your most productive times? How do you handle the bear of Monday morning? Please tell me!!

Snapshots of an artist in a corporate world

It’s dark and rainy this Thursday morning and there is a feeling of trouble in the air. I came in this morning to several troubled-sounding conference calls. Who does conference calls at 8:00 in the morning? All were completely unrelated to me – so I have a strange feeling of being inside a ship on a rainy day while others man the sails and battle the water and I peer from a round window from my cabin wondering why I’m the only one who’s not part of the drama.

Whispers, calls, hushed conversations. I think I’ll work on my webpage.